Mushrooms
by ZweitenFruhstuck
Summary: a silly story about Hobbits and Mushrooms
1. The Bet

Mushrooms  
  
Lotho Sackville-baggins was bored. His usual mischief loving self was in short supply. He wandered around his mother's garden aimlessly. Something along-side the fence caught his eye: it was a dirty white and covered a large amount of ground. "Mushrooms!" Lotho ran into the Smial and grabbed the largest sack he could find. He began putting all of the mushrooms into the sack, and counted as he did so.  
The task took him nearly all Afternoon. By the time he finished he had picked a total of 97 mushrooms. Lotho was overjoyed at this discovery, but, being the mischievous Hobbit he was, no longer wished to eat the mushrooms. He had a much better plan then that.  
It was finally time. it seemed to Lotho that evening would never come, but it was here at last. He put on his blue jacket, hid the sack of mushrooms underneath it, and ran out the door. When he arrived at the Green Dragon it was filled with Hobbits. "Perfect" thought Lotho, "the more the merrier!" He spotted Frodo and his friends sitting at a small table near the back of the pub. He quickly made his way over to them. "Hullo Frodo" said Lotho as cheerfully as he could.  
"Hullo Lotho" said Frodo, although he was curious as to what put Lotho in such a kind mood. The Sackville-bagginses had always hated Bilbo and Frodo, and for those feelings to change so suddenly would be too good to be true.  
"Frodo.." Lotho began, and bit his lip to keep from laughing, "i'll bet you 10 mushrooms that you cant keep your friend, Pippin, from getting drunk." Frodo frowned. He knew the task wouldn't be easy and he wasn't exactly happy to give up a good amount of mushrooms for his lack of thought, before agreeing to such a bet. but then again..."10 mushrooms did you say?" He was extremely tempted by Lotho's generous offer.  
"Frodo, my lad. if you need proof that i have the said mushrooms, see for yourself." Lotho pulled out the sack of mushrooms. Frodo's mouth dropped open, and any thoughts of refusal were now gone. Frodo smiled, "Lotho, how long do I need to keep Pip sober?" "Until the Green Dragon closes" replied, a now laughing, Lotho, "Deal?" "Deal" Frodo replied. The two Hobbits shook hands.  
From the moment Frodo agreed to Lotho's bet a plan had begun to form in his mind. The only thing Pippin liked more than Ale was food. As long as he could keep Pippin's mouth full, the barmaids and bartenders away, and keep Merry from challenging Pip to a drinking game, Frodo was confident he would have 10 nice mushrooms by the end of the night.  
Lotho slid into a seat at the table facing Frodo's. He couldn't help but laugh. He knew how much Pippin loved to drink, and the thought of Frodo trying to prevent it was too funny. Not any other form of mischief, out of all of his tricks and pranks, had Lotho been so excited to watch. "And just think" Lotho thought to himself, "I'll have 10 more mushrooms by the end of the night"  
Sam, Merry, and Pippin had been sitting only a few feet away from Frodo and Lotho when the conversation took place. Unfortunately, they had not heard a word of it, due to the loud roar of voices all around. Finally Sam's curiosity got the better of him. "What do you think that Lotho wants? He'd better not be bothering Mr. Frodo about Bag End again." Sam, being Frodo's gardener, had overheard several encounters with the Sackville- bagginses, none of them pleasant. "I don't know," said Merry, "But I think i'd like another Ale. Anyone else?" Pippin opened his mouth to say, "I'd like one, Merry" but before he could even make a sound Frodo interrupted him. "That has to be the biggest apple pie i've ever seen!" Pippin forgot about the Ale, for a few minutes at least, and made his way over to get a piece. Frodo was surprised at how easy that had been. Little did he know what lay ahead.  
Lotho was a bit disappointed with the first save. It hadn't been nearly as hard for Frodo as he had wished. He was tempted to interfere, although that was against the rules of a fair bet, but he resisted for the time being. He knew that Frodo's job would become much more difficult soon enough. 


	2. The Coin Pouch

Merry came back to the table with a pint of ale. The one pint soon became three...then four...The whole time Merry had been guzzling pint after pint, Pippin had been trying to eat the whole apple pie. Frodo, who usually would have laughed at his cousins for this behavior, was quite pleased. With Merry being too drunk to even dance on the tables it would be much easier to keep Pippin from drinking.  
Pippin finally returned to the table and sat down. Merry hiccuped. Sam stared at Rosie, who was...suddenly Frodo gasped. She was coming towards the table. Frodo knew Pippin all too well. He would ask for a drink. Frodo thought quickly. He could try to divert Pippin's attention again, but that might not work. He looked all around the pub for something, anything, that would stop Rosie from coming this way. His eyes rested on Sam and suddenly he had an idea. Frodo quickly slid out of his seat and grabbed Sam by the arm. "Go on, Sam! Ask Rosie for a dance!" And with that, he pulled Sam to his feet and pushed him in Rosie's direction.  
Lotho scowled. This was far too easy for Frodo. There was no way Lotho was giving up even one of his precious mushrooms to Frodo, who he thought was an inconsiderate, terribly strange know-it-all, who's too perfect for his own good. Right then and there Lotho decided not to let that happen. He had a few good tricks up his sleeve.  
As Sam danced Merrily with Rosie, Merry hiccuped and giggled, and Pippin watched Sam and Rosie, laughing at Sam occasionally for stepping on Rosie's feet, Frodo began planning what to do next. One half-pint surely wouldn't hurt Pippin any. Perhaps he should let him have one, so he wouldn't become too suspicious. "Would you like an Ale?"  
"Would I!" exclaimed Pippin, as he got out his coin pouch. "Don't be silly, Pip. It's my treat! Say, is that the pouch you got in Tookborough?"  
"Thank you, cousin Frodo! And yes, it is." Pippin replied quite thankfully. Frodo smiled. "May I have a look at it?" he inquired.  
"Sure!" Pippin handed him the pouch eagerly, ready to do anything for someone who wanted to buy him an Ale. Frodo took the pouch and began examining it, as if extremely interested. "Oh yes, I almost forgot about the Ale! Be right back." He slipped out of his seat and went up to the counter. "May I help you, lad?" asked the fat Hobbit behind the counter. "Yes," replied Frodo "Two Ale's please" The bartender handed him two over- flowing mugs. "Thank you" said Frodo as he took them back to the table.  
Pippin began drinking gladly. Frodo quietly slipped the pouch under the table, emptied it's contents into his hand, and placed the coins into his left pocket. He planned to return the coins to Pippin later that night, but for now it was a sure way to keep Pippin from buying another drink. Frodo continued to inspect the pouch with great interest.  
When Pippin finished his Ale Frodo handed the coin pouch back to him. Fortunately Pippin didn't notice how light it was and put it back into his vest pocket. Merry passed out on the table. Frodo smiled and sat back to relax. This was going to be much easier than he had thought.  
Lotho began to form several plans in his mind. They couldn't be in the least bit obvious or he knew Frodo, being the clever Hobbit he was, would suspect something. Lotho thought and thought for the perfect solution. Finally, it came to him. Lotho slid out of his seat and went to put his plan into action. 


	3. Keep it Coming

Frodo tapped Merry's shoulder. There was no answer. "Merry" said Frodo hopefully. The last thing Frodo wanted to do was drag an unconcious Hobbit all the way home. Pippin, as if hearing Frodo's thoughts, began shaking Merry. "Merry! wake up!" Merry groaned but made no attempt to move. Pippin shrugged. "So, how long are you planning on staying, Frodo?" he asked.

"Until closing." replied Frodo, a bit too quickly. Pippin raised his eyebrows. "It won't be like last time when you said that will it?" and began to laugh.

"No, not like last time." said Frodo unappreciatively. "Besides, that was different. I was tired." Pippin only laughed harder. "Well, Frodo" he said, "I hope you do manage to stay." Frodo smiled. He figured he wouldn't have any trouble staying awake for 10 mushrooms. Pippin got out his coin pouch and opened it. "That's odd.." he said as he looked inside, "I thought I had at least enough for four Ale's in here. oh well. I guess....Hey! I could borrow from Merry!"

"No!" said Frodo, reaching out to push Pippin's hand away. Pippin looked taken aback. He stared at Frodo with an expression of puzzlement on his face. Frodo thought quickly. "It wouldn't be right to borrow without permission." Pippin sat back. "I guess you're right." he said. Frodo sighed with relief.

Lotho made his way to the counter, ducking behind Hobbits when he was in view of Frodo's table. "Good evening" said the fat, rosy-cheeked Hobbit behind the counter. "May I help you?" Lotho smiled slyly "Yes, you may." he said. and then lowered his voice to a hushed whisper. "You see that young fellow over there" Lotho motioned towards Pippin.

"Yes, that's Mr. Peregrin." replied the Hobbit, rather hesitantly. Everyone knew that Lotho was a troublemaker. Lotho continued, "Could you give him as many Ales as he can drink." the Hobbit opened his mouth to speak but Lotho interupted. "On me, of coarse." The fat Hobbit wrinkled his nose. He knew he couldn't say no to that, and he also knew how much Pippin loved to drink. "Well..." he began "I suppose I could do that." Lotho smiled "Thank you" he said, and made his way back to his table, quite pleased with himself.

A chubby, very short barmaid approached Frodo and Pippin's table carrying a pint of Ale. She smiled, set the Ale in front of Pippin, and left. Frodo stared, gaping at the Ale, horrified. Pippin looked quite pleased. "Wow" he said, cheerfully "Free Ale again" Frodo stopped gaping for a moment. What does he mean 'again'? he thought, and then went back to staring.

After a few moments Pippin noticed Frodo's horrified expression. "I'm sure they'll bring you one too, Frodo." he said. Pippin looked worriedly to the counter and then back at Frodo, when his expression did not change. Frodo? Are you feeling all right?" Frodo slowly nodded, sat back, and tried not to stare. Maybe this had just been some sort of a mistake...new barmaid maybe. Frodo could only hope.

When Pippin finished his second Ale and a third was delivered, Frodo began to suspect foul play on Lotho's part. Frodo glanced nervously at Pippin. Then something happened that Frodo had been dreading all night. Pippin hiccuped. Frodo groaned. He had to stop this before Pippin got drunk and he lost all of his mushrooms.

Frodo slid out of his seat and went up to the counter. "May I help you?" asked the Hobbit behind the counter. "Yes, thank you." said Frodo, "My friend, Pippin has been recieving free Ales and I am beginning to suspect something. Could you tell me who ordered them for him?"

"Well, I believe it was that Lotho Sackville-Baggins it was. Now I wondered what that troublesome lad was up to. Mischief thats what. Always up to mischief."

"Thank you." said Frodo, "Could you stop those Ales from coming?"

"Why, of coarse." he replied. "you're a real gentle-hobbit Mr. Baggins. Unlike that Lotho."

"Thank you again." said Frodo, and he returned to his table. He couldn't believe what Lotho had done. Even though it was completely in character for him, it was still cheating. Frodo shook his head. Lotho must actually be doubting himself.

Lotho, who had been watching Frodo and Pippin, was laughing as Pippin drank. But when the Ales stopped coming, he grew nervous. The more he thought about it, the more nervous he became. Frodo must have known. He wasn't sure how Frodo would react to his cheating. He could only wait and see...And think of another plan.


	4. Merry's new clothes

_Author's Note: Just so you know, the Hobbits have been drinking half pints. I didn't specify that before._

Lotho's mind was brilliant in the art of scheming and this situation was no exception. He had thought of another brilliant plan, this one was sure to succeed. He approached the chubby Hobbit behind the counter once more. "Sir, I was wondering that if that fellow over there," He motioned to Pippin "could drink two whole pints of Ale," Lotho chuckled, "that he could have a free meal?" The bartender sighed, and shook his head. "I'm 'fraid not, sir."

"Well, I'll pay for the meal and Ale of course...you just tell him its free."

"Well..." Said the bartender hesitantly, "I suppose so..." Lotho grinned and returned to his seat.

A small barmaid hopped over to Frodo's table. The four Hobbits stared in amazement as she set a whole pint in front of Pippin. She proceeded to explain the purpose to the Hobbits. Pippin couldn't turn down the chance for a free meal. He gladly accepted, much to Frodo's dismay. Pippin began to drink the large glass of Ale. Frodo placed his hand on his forehead, trying to think of a way to stop this.

Lotho sat watching the whole ordeal. He was thrilled that Pippin had accepted, and he loved seeing poor Frodo's misery. He would surely have those mushrooms now. There was no way that Pippin could drink two full pints, along with the other ale he had consumed, without getting drunk. Frodo had lost already. Lotho snickered and imagined himself eating a whole pile of mushrooms.

Frodo's head throbbed. There had to be some way to stop this. He couldn't afford to lose those mushrooms. He stared at Pippin as he gulped down the brown liquid. His mind raced with several solutions, none seeming right. Soon Pippin had finished the first pint. Now nearly all of the Hobbits were watching, some cheering. Pippin swayed in his seat, and Frodo groaned. The barmaid brought the second pint and placed it in front of Pippin. Just as he was about to pick it up, Frodo thrust out his hand, knocking the glass over and splashing it's contents all over Merry.

The Green Dragon went silent. Pippin stared at Merry wide-eyed, and Sam bit his lip. Frodo stared, trying to think of something to say. Merry, who had jumped back a bit in shock, now stared down at his soiled clothes. "Oh.." said Frodo, utterly horrified at what he had done. Back at Lotho's table, Lotho waited in quiet anticipation for Merry's reaction.

"Oh Merry..." said Frodo, unable to say anything else. Merry did not look up, but continued staring at his Ale-covered clothes. "Oh...Merry, I'm sorry...I didn't...I.." Frodo stuttered. "I didn't mean to...oh Merry..." Merry slowly looked up. Frodo bit his lip, hoping Merry wouldn't be too angry. At first Frodo thought that he was crying, but soon it became very evident that Merry was laughing. It started out as small chuckles, then giggling, and then full out laughing. Pippin giggled, then began laughing also. Soon Sam joined in, and eventually Frodo, though he still felt quite badly about it. Lotho sat, smoldering, and glaring at the Hobbits.

They laughed until they cried. Their sides ached, and tear streaks covered their faces. "Merry, lad, come let me help you clean up." said Frodo, getting out of his seat. Normally, Merry would have declined to this offer, but considering the situation he decided to accept. Frodo went to the counter and asked for a wet cloth. He tried to wipe the ale off of Merry's clothes but they were still going to be damp, and the smell of Ale wouldn't go away.

"Well," said Frodo "It's apparent that this isn't going to work. You need to get into some different clothes, lad." Merry frowned.

"And where are we going to find an extra set of clothes? I don't mean to be rude, but really, Frodo."

"Hmmm..." said Frodo thoughtfully, looking around the room. "Perhaps we could ask around?" He suggested hopefully. The bartender, having overheard the entire conversation, walked up to the two Hobbits. "Now, I couldn't help but overhear, begging your pardon, but I think I have a way to help you. A few days ago I had a bit of an accident with some butter, and...well, lets just say it wasn't a pretty sight. I had to leave work to get some clean clothes. Well, since I'm accident prone my wife sent me some extra clothes, just in case. Now, they'd be a might too big for you, but they should do."

Frodo and Merry thanked the bartender many times for his kindness. Merry went into the back to change, and Frodo returned to his seat. He sighed. He would definitely have to share some of his mushrooms with Merry when he won.

Lotho glared at the bartender, then at Frodo. He was furious. He HAD to win. The whole point of the bet was to make Frodo humiliate himself, as well as gain some more mushrooms, and it wasn't working as well as he had hoped.

Merry emerged from the back, giggling as he lifted his arms, the sleeves being much too long. When Pippin saw his cousin he giggled too. Merry looked ridiculous. His shirt was much too large and the sleeves were much too long. His own belt was used to keep the pants from falling down. He sat down, grinning. "You just wait, Peregrin Took!" He said, looking at his giggling cousin, "This will be the latest fashion once I've worn it. You just wait and see!"


End file.
